Well, it's been nearly six months since I, Sam, returned to our humble island, and it hasn't been what I expected. Iris and I talk even more than we used to (which was quite a lot to begin with), I got a job somewhere other than retail, and I feel old. I was hoping that when I came home, I'd feel like I was back in high school. Younger, carefree, and working at the bookstore. Well, I'm no longer a teenager, I work as an executive assistant, and I wear pencil skirts, blouses, and heels to work. Every day. I sit at an office, crunch numbers, make coffee, plan events, design and send out e-newsletters, stuff envelopes, and answer phones all day long. Not only do I do this willingly, I actually enjoy it.
Getting the job was pure chance: family had connections. Keeping the job? That was me. It should have been temporary, but now I've had my boss ask me to sign on until I leave for school and, a few months later, ask if I would be willing to put off school or take night classes and continue working for her. I have people call my company, and when I introduce myself they no longer say "Oh I know your father" or "Ohh, I remember your mother! How are you?" and so on and so forth. Instead I get calls like the one I got today.
I was talking to a woman and helping her with a question. She had asked for my predecessor, so I informed her Ms. _____ no longer worked for the company, and that I was her replacement. The woman asked for my full name, and when I told her, she responded "Oh, I know you! You were at the _____ banquet! (which my company held) You were so wonderful! That event was truly amazing, and to believe you've only been with the company for less than a month?" And it went on in that thread until I realized that I was no longer someone's daughter or sister.
I was my own person.
That's great, but until today, I hadn't been old enough to be recognized for myself. Yes, people mentioned my accomplishments, but it was inevitably followed by "Her parents are so proud, you know, Mr. and Mrs. _____" and it got to the point where I had resigned myself to being referred to as my parents' child until the end of time.
Looking in the mirror this evening, I realized there wasn't a 12 year old with too many freckles, teeth that need braces, windblown never brushed hair, and a naive and helplessly happy look in my eyes. Instead I saw someone who's freckles were now mere shadows, straight teeth, perfectly styled hair, and a look of pride and perhaps age in my eyes. Finally, I saw the reality of the person in the mirror.
The truth of the matter is, I like the person I saw in the mirror. Perhaps she's a little less impulsive, a bit less active, a lot more jaded, and a touch more wary, but she is me, and the person I've become. Every moment, every mistake, every smile, laugh, cry, shout, and scream has made me into this person. In a few years time, I will no longer be a crazy college kid, but rather a true adult. Someone with a career and a home of her own. I'm like the child that is dressed in their school uniform for the first time and isn't sure how to act. It feels just like every other thing I've worn, but it has that feeling of importance to it. Like the uniform has made you someone new. And I am. New that is. I am on the road to the rest of my life, whether I'm ready or not.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Love Comes From Within
Why is it so difficult to practice what we preach? How many times have we looked at our friends after a messy breakup, watched them wonder what they did wrong or how the guy could act so cruelly... How many times have we told them that he wasn't important and that they didn't need a man when they had their friends?
Why do we need men? Because men love us. And without men, who is going to take over that duty? Sure, friends love each other and comfort each other and tell each other how good they look, but that romantic, I love you when you have no make up on and are dressed in pajamas? That love comes from men. It also comes from within. You have to love yourself to truly know how to love. Sure, it's easy to say "I love me," but think about it: do you ever look in the mirror and say "I have love handles, a zit, and my hair's a wreck, but I still look amazing. I still look lovable."
How often do we look at ourselves and say "I look lovable?" That isn't as easy as it sounds, is it? Why is it so difficult to see ourselves as perfect? Or rather, as imperfect, but lovable anyways? I want you to sit in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. Look into yourself. Don't just look at the lovehandles and the blackheads and the slight crookedness of your teeth, instead look into yourself. See the goodness, the kindness, the intelligence, the humor, the wit. This is what makes us beautiful. This is what makes us lovable. If you can't see that, how do you expect someone else to see it? Until you can find that lovable person inside of you, you can't understand how to let yourself be loved. Loving yourself is the way to become self assured. The Beatles had it right, all you need is love. They just forgot to mention that love can come from within.
So I encourage you. Grab your diary, open Microsoft Word, grab a Post-It, or anything else you can use to write, and jot down what you love about you. Write down everything you've done that made you proud, whether it was winning a Nobel prize, or getting an A on your creative writing assignment in the fifth grade. Write it all. Then read it, smile, and love yourself.
Until next time,
Sam
Why do we need men? Because men love us. And without men, who is going to take over that duty? Sure, friends love each other and comfort each other and tell each other how good they look, but that romantic, I love you when you have no make up on and are dressed in pajamas? That love comes from men. It also comes from within. You have to love yourself to truly know how to love. Sure, it's easy to say "I love me," but think about it: do you ever look in the mirror and say "I have love handles, a zit, and my hair's a wreck, but I still look amazing. I still look lovable."
How often do we look at ourselves and say "I look lovable?" That isn't as easy as it sounds, is it? Why is it so difficult to see ourselves as perfect? Or rather, as imperfect, but lovable anyways? I want you to sit in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. Look into yourself. Don't just look at the lovehandles and the blackheads and the slight crookedness of your teeth, instead look into yourself. See the goodness, the kindness, the intelligence, the humor, the wit. This is what makes us beautiful. This is what makes us lovable. If you can't see that, how do you expect someone else to see it? Until you can find that lovable person inside of you, you can't understand how to let yourself be loved. Loving yourself is the way to become self assured. The Beatles had it right, all you need is love. They just forgot to mention that love can come from within.
So I encourage you. Grab your diary, open Microsoft Word, grab a Post-It, or anything else you can use to write, and jot down what you love about you. Write down everything you've done that made you proud, whether it was winning a Nobel prize, or getting an A on your creative writing assignment in the fifth grade. Write it all. Then read it, smile, and love yourself.
Until next time,
Sam
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Iris has a message
It bothers me that some people are so cruel and insensitive. It also bothers me that people don't like what they don't understand. I think that before you judge a situation or someone that you should try to understand that person or that situation. It's the people who are judgmental and insensitive that drive me CRAZY and make me sad. I wish I could smack some sense into these people and make them realize that's no way to live. So whoever reads this that point I am trying to make is that being judgmental and insensitive is wrong, and that if there is something or someone that you don't understand, then you should make the effort to understand before you form an opinion. Thanks.
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